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MacPhellimey in the Briar PatchA story of the Pooka MacPhellimeyfourteen february nineteenhundredfortysix
twice-dear macphellimey i write to wish you my regards on this the most even day mortals celebrate as the day of two saints with a flurry of delicious carnality and in the infectious spirit of this fourteenth day to inform you that i have been sleeping with your missus since eighteeenhundredeightytwo twice-yours
16 February, 1946
My twice-dear friend, Your letter of the fourteenth reassures me tremendously. Truth is an Odd Number, and though I have always taken care to conduct my own extramarital affairs by twos (at the same time, when at all possible) I have always worried that my wife's lack of external lovers has rendered our entire marriage Odd, for even the Evennest of numbers is rendered Odd when combined with a solitary Monad. It brings me greatest pleasure to know that our marriage is suitably balanced after all. I hope you are keeping well, and that the chill of the season is causing you no great discomfort. Twice yours,
eighteen february nineteenhundredfortysix
twice-cursed petrogale witch you swore to me that it would be a great jape on macphellimey if i cuckolded him but he claims to be pleased to learn of it now i find i have been fondling your dessicated corpse for sixtyfour years for no reason besides your twisted pleasures i demand recompense for this woman i will have my joke on macphellimey mcpanagh Twentieth February of 1946
McPanagh, you fool, Of course my husband claims to be pleased—he is a Pooka, not some pathetic aboriginal god-in-exile like you, and he is more than capable of playing you for the fool you have always been. I know that he is angry. He may hold almost as little love for me as I hold for him after 138 years shackled together, but he is proud. Threaten to make the fool of him and he will succumb. Trust me when I say that being ineptly pawed by you gives me no pleasure, but is a means to my ends. I wish to see MacPhellimey humiliated even more than you do. —Petrogale twentysecond february nineteenhundredfortysix
twice-dear macphellimey it is considerate of you to ask after my comfort i have never much loved any of the threehundredfourteen irish winters i have so far encountered but that is not why i write you today i am writing to inform you that i am deeply in love with your missus and cannot keep my silence any longer out of respect for our friendship i felt i should tell you before publically announcing our love to the world as that might humiliate you but this is something i must do twice-yours
24 February, 1946
My twice-dear friend, I sympathise with your plight regarding the weather. In a chill Irish February like this, I imagine you must miss your native land terribly. If I had spent 314 years in the heat of Australia, I can be sure that I would desperately miss my native Leinster, and would do anything to return to her. I sympathise also with your desire to publically announce your feelings for my dear wife. While I thank you for your concern about humiliating me, rest assured that does not present a problem. Indeed, as I stated in my last letter, I am quite happy to learn of my wife's infidelity. I was recently scolded by some Water Demons of my acquaintance who felt that I should encourage my wife's unfaithfulness further in order to ensure the Even balance of our marriage; I am sure they would be greatly reassured were you to go public. Indeed, let me take this opportunity to say that you have my permission to do or say anything you like regarding my wife, so long as you do not take her from Leinster and leave me a solitary Monad. Thank you for all of your help with this matter. I feel our friendship has never been so strong. Twice yours,
twentysixth february nineteenhundredfortysix
petrogale we are going pack your things it is the only way to win against him mcpanagh twentyeighth february nineteenhundredfortysix
twice-dear macphellimey, thank you for reminding me of how much i wished to return to my native country although i imagine you were not expecting me to do so and take your wife with me my old friend but a trickster is always a trickster and now you must concede that you have been tricked by the best twice-yours
Local date 28 February 1946
Pooka MacPhellimey, As you know, we have previously rejected your requests for an end to your bond to the witch Jill Petrogale, called Lily Corrigan. Truth is an Odd Number, and it is not the place of the Demons to split the beauty of the Dyad. However, your report that Petrogale has left Leinster and gone to Australia with the Murngin Fae spirit known as Bamapana complicates matters. Triads are not acceptable to the Demon class. As such, we are henceforth dissolving your bond to the witch Petrogale without prejudice to you. We wish you best of luck in your future partnerships. Sincerely,
Twenty-eighth February of 1946
You're a clever one, MacPhellimey. You must have been studying the American Fae. And so you sit comfortably in your briar patch, laughing at me and that smug fool McPanagh as we roast to death in the Australian heat. You must be feeling quite pleased with yourself. McPanagh doesn't yet realize he's been tricked; I have every intention of leaving him far behind before he makes that unpleasant discovery. Perhaps I will go to America and take a few lessons from Br'er Fox, to prepare myself for our next meeting. Thank you for making things interesting. You always had a knack for that, I suppose. Until we meet again,
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